I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
