i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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