also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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