I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
