I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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