I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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