a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
