Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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