I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
