My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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