put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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