I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
