WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
