Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
