btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
