I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
