Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
