Someone shit on the floor
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we're making bets on your personal life
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
