Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
