I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
