He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
