Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this just has baby written all over it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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