I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
