So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
