Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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