I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
