So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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