he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
