I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
