Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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