that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
there is puke in my bra ... again
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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