she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
