The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
