I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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