he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
