I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
