call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this boner is exhausting
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I love you. Go after that dick
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
