You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
