I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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