I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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