Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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