You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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