I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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