i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
