Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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