Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
