you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
