I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
