They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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