U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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