I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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