Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
