Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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